I've spent most of the winter stuck at home enjoying a fun menu of health issues, which has been just swell. And when you're spending most days in the same room on the same couch convinced you're dying, you start to go a little stir-crazy. I've spent months looking for an escape to take my mind off winter, the pandemic, and the fluctuating state of my colon.
I just never thought I'd be escaping vicariously to St. Paul, Minnesota every weekend.
I'm a sucker for Youtube. I usually try to avoid it, because here's what happens:
"Hmm, I'm feeling like a casserole for dinner. Maybe there's a good recipe on Youtube. I'll just log on and type: C-A-S-S... oh, whoa. A live clip of Cass Elliot? I should totally watch that..."
Three hours, the Cass Elliott clip has led to a 10-minute video about the song "Leaving on a Jet Plane," which in turn led to six videos on aviation disasters, which led to a guy documenting his flight from New Jersey to Singapore, which led to a 20-minute cycling travelogue of Singapore, which led to a video on mountain biking, which led to a video diary of a guy climbing Everest, and so on and so on.
Next thing you know, I've lost an entire evening with little gained except the knowledge that (a) mountain climbing is a ridiculous hobby, and (b) Bugis Street is the best place to go for authentic yu wan mee pok next time you're strutting around Singapore with a hankering for fish balls. Good to know.
But one of those endless Youtube rabbit-holes led me to this winter's saving grace: Sheriff Bob Fletcher and his buddy Pat.
Unless you're younger than six months old (and if you ARE, congrats on your reading skills,) you know there's been much controversy when it comes to our nation's police. Several high profile incidents of excessive police force have led to civil unrest, protests, and some much-needed discourse on the role of law enforcement in our country.
It also caused two of my guiltiest pleasures -- "Cops" and "Live P.D." -- to leave the airwaves. When you're having a bad day, sometimes there's nothing better than watching other people have WORSE days. Intellectually, I know the cancellations were merited - police reality shows do nothing to alleviate stereotypes, and even if some criminal's an idiot, they probably don't deserve their worst day to be nationally telecast. But darnit if those shows weren't entertaining as all get out, and I miss their presence on TV.
But then I discovered Bob and Pat. Bob Fletcher is the sheriff of Ramsey County, Minnesota -- otherwise known as St. Paul and some other towns less interesting than St. Paul. When Sheriff Bob saw cops getting a bad rap, he decided to take it upon himself to remedy the situation and educate the public about the routine lives and responsibilities of your average officer.
So every Friday night, Sheriff Bob goes "Live on Patrol" -- and takes us with. He streams his entire shift on Youtube, start to finish. Bob does the driving, and his buddy Pat (a data analyst and retired cop) rides shotgun and mans the camera. And by camera, I mean a cellphone.
The result is pure Minnesota magic. If you're looking for a white-knuckle thrillride, keep surfing. Over the course of an entire shift, Bob and Pat seldom leave their squad car -- except for gas-station corn dogs and soda.
Have you ever watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Imagine if Hitchcock & Scully had their own TV show and you'd be close. What bills itself as a police patrol turns into hours of aimless banter that runs the gamut from gossip to sports to casual discussions about serial killers and carjackings, occasionally interrupted when rolling up on people with a jovial shout of "What's goin' on?" When the duo DOES respond to an actual police call, it's mostly them sitting in their car serving as a backup unit narrating the action. Most of their nights are spent looking aimlessly for stolen vehicles -- I've yet to see them find one.
I'm a "Live on Patrol" superfan, and I'm not the only one. People are tuning into Pat & Bob by the thousands. Viewers in St. Paul watch for the squad car heading their way, and they race outside with sodas and gifts when the much-loved duo pass by. Watching these big-hearted crime-fighters in the big city is akin to imagining Andy Griffith taking the reins of "Law & Order: SVU." Instead of ticketing jaywalkers, Bob and Pat are more prone to buying them pizza. A random person on the street will turn out to be Bob's wife's cousin's roommate's barber. I'm pretty sure Bob knows everyone in St. Paul.
At first, I thought Sheriff Bob was kind of a yokel -- until I did some research. He's been the sheriff of Ramsey County since 1996, and a quick internet search finds him passionately and professionally defending his department, the role of police, and his livestreams. When the county board voted to slash his police budget, he sued them. When he's not telling you about his favorite hockey game from 1986, he's advocating for COVID safety and giving tips to avoid car thieves.
Oh, and just when I thought Sheriff Bob didn't do much actual police work, I tuned in the other night to see him sporting a huge shiner. Turns out the ONE night I skipped "Live on Patrol," Sheriff Bob had to break up a domestic scuffle and ended up taking an elbow to the eye.
I've now watched "Live on Patrol" so much I seriously think I could navigate around St. Paul despite having never been there. If we make it through this winter, it might just be a worthy roadtrip come spring. If you need a small-town hug from some big-city cops, search Youtube for "Live on Patrol" archives or join in every Friday night, when the weekly livestream fittingly starts at 9:11.
It might just fix your winter blues. The only problem? I never DID find that casserole recipe, and now I'm STARVING.
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