You know when you're coming home from a DJ gig at 3 a.m. and you're just completely wiped out and you... Sorry, what? No? You DON'T know what that's like? Ahh. Just me, then? Fair enough.
Well, last weekend, I indeed returned from a gig at 3 a.m. and was most definitely wiped. There's nothing worse than feeling exhausted but too amped up and full of tinnitus to sleep. I usually need unwinding with some mindless TV and a snack before I call it a night. So I flipped on Youtube and tuned to a channel that shows trailers to upcoming shows. That's right, when I'm not watching TV, I watch ads for things coming to TV. That's how I roll.
I was a bit surprised, though, when I saw a trailer for a mini-series called "The Now" starring Dave Franco and the legendary Bill Murray. I hadn't heard a thing about this show, so I checked it out.
It seems interesting. It's a comedy series about a guy who decides to turn his life around when he discovers he's the third member of his immediate family to have suicidal thoughts. It's directed by the Farrelly Brothers, the guys who brought us "There's Something About Mary" and "Dumb and Dumber" among others.
Then I got to the middle bit of the trailer, which showed a snippet of a police chase. It took me about thirty seconds before I grabbed the remote and re-wound it. Yep, I wasn't dreaming. The side of that car definitely said "MOLINE POLICE." And watching it again, I'm pretty sure that scene was filmed in downtown Port Byron.
Wait, is this TV show set HERE? Sure enough, "The Now" takes place in the Quad Cities.
Don't worry, you didn't miss an opportunity to hobnob with famous actors. They were never in town. The show was filmed in Vancouver -- but in order to accurately depict the Quad Cities, the Farrelly Brothers sent a secondary crew to shoot exterior footage of our area back in 2019.
Upon closer inspection, that wasn't just ANY aerial establishing shot of a quaint river town. That was an aerial establishing shot of OUR quaint river town. And what's that in the dead center frame of that shot? Yep. That's the sycamore tree in my front yard.
That's right -- my tree is a TV star.
I have but one motivation in life: to become super, deeply, mind-bogglingly famous. My time, clearly, is now. Yesterday, I was a nobody. Today, I am The Guy Who Owns That One Tree That Was On TV That One Time. I'd go outside to admire my tree, but I'm sure it's being swarmed by paparazzi as we speak.
There's so much to do.
* I clearly need to shoot a demo reel of my tree in all its glory and submit it for consideration to the Academy. In the 3.5 seconds of screen time it appeared in the trailer, it showed phenomenal depth of character. I'm pretty sure a nomination for Best Supporting Foliage might be in the cards.
* Does my tree need an agent? Do I need to get it a SAG card? The stable of working trees in Hollywood is small at best, and I will NOT let it lose any roles to Groot.
* Revenue streams need to be set up immediately. I'll see if I can get it on Cameo - for $250, my tree could wish you a happy birthday or congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. Meanwhile, once the merch store goes live, you'll definitely be able to order a "My Family Went To See That One Tree That You Can See For 3 Seconds In That One TV Show And All I Got Was This Stinkin' T-Shirt" t-shirt.
* And what kind of manager would I be if I didn't get my new superstar involved in a lurid scandal to plaster its foliage all over the gossip pages? I already know what it's going to be. You see, there's one other actor on The Now that I didn't mention. I'm not going to outright CONFIRM that my tree is dating Pete Davidson, but I'm suspiciously not going to deny it, either. You'll have to ask Pete.
I don't know if Andy Warhol was right. Maybe not everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. But someone's tree can definitely be famous for three seconds. Go check out my tree and the rest of the Quad Cities on "The Now" streaming on Roku -- and if you do, let me know if it's any good because I do NOT have a subscription.
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