Dear Uncle "Jack,"
We need to talk.
You've been my uncle for most of the years I've been alive, and for that I'm grateful. You've always treated me with kindness and a smile, and I love spending time with you guys when you come to town. You're a great uncle and I'm proud to say we're family.
But I'm a little less proud to have you as a Facebook friend.
I realized long ago that we're NEVER going to agree on politics. Every time I log onto social media, I brace for whatever offensive memes, cartoons, and manifestos you decide to share with the world. Your goal is to provoke, and you do a pretty good job. I've come to learn that the best course of action is usually to bite my tongue and resist the urge to return fire. Whenever someone disagrees with you, it just fans the flame and inspires more eye-rolling content.
I'm never going to change your opinion when it comes to politics, and you're never going to change mine. So rather than waste our time starting flame wars on Facebook, it's usually best if I just ignore your rants and keep my trap shut. Trust me, I've become pretty adept at swiping past your many posts.
But I can't swipe this week away. You can rag on #fakenews and invent Benghazi conspiracies all the live-long day for all I care. But now, you've decided to celebrate Pride month by unleashing a daily stream of gay-bashing, and I can't ignore hateful nonsense like this. So let's have a chat.
I'm not gay, but I try to be an ally to my friends in the LGBTQ+ community. I support their rights, but I also support freedom of speech. As long as it doesn't escalate into threats, hate speech, or libel, you have the right to express your opinion on anything you want. That's what makes America so great. When those hateful clowns from Westboro show up to picket funerals, most of us justifiably want to punch their lights out. I choose to ignore their despicable rhetoric and instead celebrate that we live in a country where even ignorant buffoons have the right to speak their minds (or lack thereof).
I get that you have some religious issues with "alternative lifestyles." That's your right, too. I'm no theologian, and I'm not qualified to argue on the accuracy of the specific translations of those one or two Old Testament verses you repeatedly fall back on. But I'm pretty sure using the Bible to justify and fuel hatred and intolerance is the exact opposite of everything I know about Christianity. Jesus said nothing in the New Testament about being gay. If it wasn't a big enough deal for him to weigh in on, why do you feel the need?
You don't like gay people. Well, I don't like onions -- but you don't see me outside of McDonalds onion-shaming everyone who walks out with a Quarter Pounder. If you think it's wrong to be gay, then my best advice to you is: don't be gay. Is there really need for more discussion? No one is trying to indoctrinate you or your grandkids into the gay cabal. If you're not gay, then the gay agenda shouldn't concern you. Love who you love, and let others love who they love. Everyone lives happily ever after, and I can go back to checking Facebook without wincing.
The other day, you asserted that being gay is "a choice." I hold a different opinion, and so does most of the country, and so does science. But for the sake of argument, let's do an experiment real quick. If you're certain that a person "chooses" to be gay, then put your money where your mouth is and give it a whirl. For the next five minutes, choose to be gay. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. I dunno, go find a picture of the dude who plays Aquaman and see if you can choose to be attracted to him.
No luck? I guess this means one of two things. Either (a) you're more of a Clooney type, or (b) maybe there's a teensy tiny chance that folks don't get to choose who they're attracted to.
What really made me write this column, though, was this gem you posted today: "Dear LGBT, if you don't want to be treated differently for being gay, then stop acting like being gay somehow makes you special. Your sexual orientation is neither an achievement nor a holiday." This, more than anything else, shows how much you're missing the point. Pride has nothing to do with wanting to be seen as special. It's about wanting to be seen as equal. It's about bravery and strength. It's about taking pride in your true self. It's about tolerance and acceptance and celebrating the diversity that makes life so rich.
Equality shouldn't be an argument. It should be common sense. I have friends who are straight, gay, transgendered, and some whose orientation I don't know or care about. I just call them friends, and that's enough for me. I'm not a soapbox columnist who writes impassionated pieces that inspire social change. I'm the guy who writes about cats and reality TV. I'm the guy unashamed to quote Taylor Swift -- and to that extent, Uncle Jack: "You need to calm down, you're being too loud."
I hope everybody had a wonderful Pride month. I see that July is National Aunt & Uncle Month. I'd send you a card, Uncle Jack, but I don't want to unfairly insinuate that being my uncle somehow makes you special. After all, having me as a nephew was a choice, and your familial orientation is neither an achievement nor a holiday.
You're my uncle and I love you. You'll always be family. But I just wanted you to know why you're no longer my Facebook friend.
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