I'm not much of an activist. The one time I tried to write a funny column opposing urban chicken coops, poultry enthusiasts stormed our lobby demanding my head on a platter, sunny side up. I learned my lesson.
I might be too chicken for activism, but our next generation isn't. Today I learned of an underground movement for change, started right here in the Quad Cities at Washington Jr. High School. It's definitely an important cause we can all get behind.
Almost a year to the day after we all painfully added the word "derecho" to our vocabularies, another freak windstorm assaulted our area on Wednesday morning. While it wasn't bad enough to do terrible damage, it DID down some trees, blow up a couple transformers, and temporarily knock out power to a goodly portion of Rock Island.
Brandy VanDeWalle is a good friend of mine and the owner of Skeleton Key Art & Antiques, an amazing shop you could easily get lost in for days, which you probably shouldn't because it's a former funeral home and I'm pretty sure it's haunted even though she assures me it's not.
When Washington Jr. High lost power on Wednesday, Brandy's 13-year-old son Alex knew precisely what to do. He sprang into action, launched a petition drive, and gathered the signatures of his classmates. The students have spoken. They demand change, and they demand change NOW. Brandy shared Alex's petition with me, and I couldn't agree more.
It reads, and I quote:
"PETITION TO INSTALL GENERATOR-POWERED DISCO BALLS IN THE SCHOOL HALLWAYS FOR THE NEXT BLACKOUT." To date, this important movement has garnered an impressive 19 signatures. We have a movement on our hands, people.
This is a cause I fully endorse. I have lived through many a crisis in my lifetime, and I can safely tell you not one of them wouldn't have been bettered in some way by emergency disco balls. The power goes out? BAM. Disco balls light the way. A global pandemic keeps us house-bound? BAM. There's no vaccine for disco. Your best friend ditches you? BAM. You can leave your friends behind, because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well, they're no friends of mine.
I needed insight, so I met with Alex about his urgent plea for disco-fueled change.
SB: So... why disco?
AVdW: Many people believe disco died in the 70s, but the heart and soul lives on in the disco ball. Disco didn't die, it evolved. Also, blackout raves seem fun.
SB: You realize disco music is about the same age as your mom. In fact, I can attest to personally witnessing your mother having danced to disco on multiple occasions. Do you often jam out to a funky disco beat?
AVdW: I'm going to have to get back to you on those funky disco beats, but I do enjoy older music. Also, sorry about my mom. Sounds like she's embarassed both of us in public.
SB: Can I tell by the way you use your walk that you're a woman's man with no time to talk?
AVdW: Mom had to explain that to me, but I'd like to think so, yes.
SB: Disco balls are often employed during slow jams to smooch with your sweetie. Be honest, is this your end goal?
AVdW: Maybe, but I won't tell.
SB: How would school be improved by the implementation of emergency blackout hallway disco balls?
AVdW: On a day like today, it could be used as entertainment for students and faculty. Also, if there were an intruder, it would distract them until authorities arrive. It's multi-functional, people.
SB: I couldn't help but notice someone named Ava signed your petition with a signature eight times larger than everyone else. Be honest, is she eight times cooler than you?
AVdW: Yep, she put her John Hancock in the smack dab middle. She wears glorious eyeliner and helped us get teachers to sign the petition.
SB: Do you see a future career in political disco activism?
AVdW: There's potential, but I'm keeping my options open. I'm thinking of taking this all the way to Washington. Disco is the next political party. Come on, Gen Z, back me on this!
In these trying times, it's good to know that tomorrow's leaders already have a sense of urgent priorities. At the next election, I'm taking a stand. I'm voting with the Disco Party. And Alex, if you decide to throw a rally in support of your movement, I'm available to DJ on the cheap. I promise I won't let your mom dance... much.
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