There's definitely a list of things you have to experience at least once in your life before you can officially call yourself a Quad Citizen. I finally crossed one off the bucket list this past weekend:
I went to Bald Eagle Days.
The annual event at the QCCA Expo Center was back for the first time since the pandemic, and I finally got to take it in. Part animal exhibit, part conservation education, it's the largest event in the country devoted to our national symbol. This year's attractions included live eagle shows and Birds of Prey seminars from the World Bird Sanctuary of St. Louis. It was pretty cool.
Me and bald eagles have always had a weird relationship. I love animals -- but, by and large, only the cute ones. I'll watch cat videos all the live-long day, and is there anything better than playing with puppies? I think squirrels are adorable, even the ones who live in my backyard, clearly hate me, and make angry little "thk! thk!" noises every morning when I leave for work.
Bald eagles, on the other hand, are NOT cute. You don't want to snuggle one. They don't purr. They don't come when you call. With eagles, words like "cute" and "adorable" are replaced by words like "noble" and "majestic." That's a nice way of saying that if we were a bit smaller and eagles a bit bigger, they would have NO qualms whatsoever about flying off with us for a dinner date. There's a reason why bald eagles are the symbol of our nation and not, say, a labradoodle or something. Eagles are a little intimidating.
I got REAL close to the one that was at Bald Eagle Days, and I swear that thing saw right through me and stared directly into my soul. I watched children stare at him with admiration and wonder. I also watched him stare back, likely wondering what children taste like.
Once, I had to call in late for work with an excuse so weird my old boss still talks about it to this day. I was already running a bit behind schedule and had given myself only enough time to leap into my car and pray for green lights on the commute. Instead, I ran out to the parking lot and skidded to a halt -- because there was a bald eagle sitting atop my car, just hanging out like he owned the place.
Pray tell, what's protocol in a situation like this? There I was, staring down an endangered creation of nature and the very symbol of our independence. Do I shoo it? Is it even LEGAL to shoo it? "Say, uh, majestic buddy?" I inquired politely. "I kinda need to leave for work. So, umm, git?" For the record, it did not "git." I attempted to make a move for the driver's door and he did that weird bird thing where his head turned to me while his body stayed completely motionless. Nope, nope, nope. I wasn't getting anywhere close to that thing. And THAT, friends, is why I had to call in late to work on account of eagle. I ended up standing there for ten minutes like a moron until a passing car finally spooked him away.
This year, my car's almost become TOO good of a friend with one of our bald buddies. On two occasions now this winter, there's been a bald eagle playing aerial acrobatics and skimming WAY too close over the Centennial Bridge. The first time it happened, my car was at the apex of the bridge precisely when this eagle swooped not more than two feet over the top of my car. The second time it happened, I swear a talon actually touched my front windshield for a split second. Had that daring bird not put in a couple of extra flaps, I'd be riding around with a majestic and endangered hood ornament -- and there's just no way to be the good guy when you've got the literal symbol of freedom splattered over your front grill.
What surprised me most about Bald Eagle Days, though, were the OTHER creatures on display. I'm not sure whose idea it was to bring live eagles to an event and then fill the rest of the expo center with animals that eagles like to eat, but all creatures great and small appeared to be on their best behavior and I don't believe anyone got to witness the circle of life play out on the convention floor. There were porcupines and wolves and a poor terrified little skunk. There were hairy spiders and what ominously looked like empty tanks where other hairy spiders should have been. And yep, there were loads of bats.
Eagles might be scary, but bats are straight terrifying. I'm not especially sure why Mother Nature felt the need to bless our world with rabid winged rats, but these particular mini-vampires seemed healthy and their cages seemed secure, so I timidly approached. Surprisingly, they didn't try to stick a single fang into my neck. They were just (literally) hanging out, yawning and snoozing. Dare I say it, they were almost... cute. And that was the precise moment one bat woke up, gave a great big yawn, righted itself, spread open its wings to reveal its nekkid little bat body, stared me straight in the eye, and peed alllll over the place, almost including my sleeve.
I don't know what kind of weekend YOU had, but unless you can top getting stared down by an eagle while getting flashed by a peeing bat, I'm pretty sure I won.
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