We are a bitter, divided nation. The bickering, hatred, and putdowns have become too much. This week, all I've seen is division and squabbling and the ugliest sides of human nature in full display. Is it a fool's dream to think we can mend the fences, bridge the gap, and bring everyone closer in unity and harmony?
Somehow, some way, we need to come together... and just accept this year's nominees for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
As arguments go, this is one I'm okay with perpetuating. Do I have opinions on politics, vaccinations, Russia, immigration, and the current state of our economy? Sure I do. But, by and large, do I keep my yap shut? You betcha. For one, I don't want to alienate half my readership. For another, I'm fully self-aware of my lack of qualifications to talk about such things. You want political opinion? Turn to the opinion page. You want a bangin' mixtape? I'm your boy.
Music is my life force. I was changing records on my mom's hi-fi before I could properly walk. I can't dance to save my life, but it turns out you can still belong in a dance club if you're the one standing in the DJ booth shaping the playlist. The only reason I bought a house was because my record collection was outgrowing my apartment. The other day, I overheard some co-workers talking about music and all I felt was pure seething rage that they had the audacity to not include me in the conversation. I am music nerd, hear me roar.
And if there's one thing that pushes music nerds into overdrive, it's the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
Every year, the closed-door nomination committee of the Rock Hall presents a shortlist of nominated artists, who are then voted on by an elite group of music industry experts. Artists qualify for induction once it's been 25 years since their first release. The winners are then inducted at a nationally televised ceremony. Following that, they're added to the ever-growing exhibit at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame & Museum in Cleveland. It's a fairly big deal.
And every year, they invariably get it wrong. No self-respecting music nerd is ever happy with the nominees, the winners, or the ceremony. The entire process seems less about honoring the inductees and more about getting fans upset about who DIDN'T make the cut. Either that or maybe I need to make different friends on Twitter. The music geeks I know get REALLY mad. Cursing and swearing mad.
There's two common themes to the outrage. The first, and most obvious, involves the rather loose application of "rock & roll." Most people hear the term and think guitar/bass/drums. The Rock Hall thinks otherwise. There are country, soul, and pop artists in the Rock Hall. There are (gasp) rappers in the Rock Hall. This irks rock purists to no end.
The other argument is something along the lines of "how dare they nominate [any popular artist] when [some influential band who only 4 people on your continent have ever heard of] hasn't made it in?!" The righteous music nerd in me agrees with these sentiments to a degree. You might not have heard of The MC5 -- they're certainly not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. But in greasy Detroit clubs in 1968, The MC5 pretty much invented punk rock. Search the Rock Hall all you want, but you won't find the industrial clangs of Throbbing Gristle or Einsturzende Neubaten, a German band known for playing homemade instruments made from scrap metal and power tools. But you WILL find Nine Inch Nails in the Rock Hall, a band whose very existence was predicated on those noisemakers paving the way (often literally, with onstage sledgehammers.) Two of the most influential bands of MY musical upbringing, The Smiths and My Bloody Valentine, have never made the cut.
But I get it. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame isn't just an honor-bestowing organization. It's a business. No one's gonna tune in to watch a band they've never heard of get inducted. The museum needs to draw more visitors than just pretentious record store clerks. Few people on Earth would make Cleveland a vacation destination in order to see a sledgehammer that Einsturzende Neubaten once dragged onstage. The Rock Hall needs Elton John's glasses. It needs Michael Jackson's glove. It needs Taylor Swift's catsuit.
This year's nominees were just announced. It is perhaps the least rock & roll offering they've ever assembled. There is much outrage. Even I was initally like, "Whaaa?" But the more I thought about it, the more impressed I am by this year's nominees.
You've got a handful of true rock artists in the mix: Ozzy, Peter Frampton, and Foreigner. Newly qualified artists like Jane's Addiction, Lenny Kravitz, and the Dave Matthews Band have made the shortlist. The late Sinead O'Connor has been honored with a nomination. But let's focus for a second on the ones the rock snobs are mocking. I argue they have every right to be there.
Mary J. Blige was the first artist to bridge the gap between R&B and hip-hop. Kool & the Gang have twenty-one Top 40 singles. When Liam Gallagher heard his band Oasis had been nominated, he said, "I don't need some wank award by some geriatric in a cowboy hat," which is pretty rock & roll if you ask me. Eric B. & Rakim wrote the blueprint for modern rap. A Tribe Called Quest made jazz cool again. Sade are far from rock & roll, but may have been the soundtrack to your conception. Mariah Carey has more #1 hits than I can count, and half of them are "All I Want for Christmas Is You" -- plus she secretly recorded a grunge album in the 90s just to see if she could do it, which is a seriously rock move. And let's face it, Cher belongs in EVERY Hall of Fame. There should just be a Cher Hall of Fame.
So step off your high horse, my fellow nerds. Music is subjective, and that's what makes it such a powerful force. Last night on Facebook, I was greeted by a post from a friend IRATE about this year's nominees. The very next post was from a different friend saying, "The Rock Hall finally got it right this year! What a great list!" I don't need a museum in Cleveland to tell me what music's awesome. You don't need me to tell you what music's awesome (although I can if you want. In great detail. Just ask.) But if we've got to argue about SOMETHING on the internet, I'll take this over politics any day of the week.
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