Life, liberty, and the pursuit of pretty much nothing at all... Welcome to the world of Dispatch/Argus & Quad City Times columnist Shane Brown. Check out all of Shane's archived weekly columns plus assorted fodder on life & pop culture. Hang out, comment, stay a bit. If not, no biggie. We know there are lots of naked people to go look at on this internet thingajig.
Monday, February 13, 2006
"Hmm," Says Shane
Well, I can officially no longer say that I haven't ever received an anonymous proposal of marriage (complete with FLOWERS, no less!)
So, I guess this leaves one question for my Mystery Suitor:
CAN YOU COOK???
4 comments:
Anonymous
said...
To answer your question, darling, I do not cook but have hired a domestic staff looking forward to the day we will be together.
I dream of the day I can reveal myself to you, but some preparations are still unfinished. What sort of cars would you like in your section of our garage? Where shall we travel in our first few months of wedded bliss? What female skills give you the most pleasure?
Please answer, darling, so I can prepare. Until that day, just thank you for being you.
I hope you liked the flowers. I am a bit shy to reveal myself, as I am a bit, well, let me just come out with it and tell you that I'm a bit *hehe* fluffy right now. I am carrying the spawn of Satan and will be delivering in two months time. Do you think you could see past my condition and love me for who I am? I just think you're a really nice guy ... maybe even nice enough to let me scream a little while giving birth? Or let me go to Mass? Is that too much for a girl to ask? I'm so confused. My Dad says it isn't, but my Scientology overlord, erm, FRIEND says it is.
So please accept my gift if you will. All I want is to have a soulmate to brush my long brown hair and tell me all about foreign music. Oh, and please don't worry about the baby. It won't be around much after I pop in April.
It seems like I've become sufficiently addicted to your column to wonder where the hell this week's is. Please post it at your earliest convenience; kthxbye.
4 comments:
To answer your question, darling, I do not cook but have hired a domestic staff looking forward to the day we will be together.
I dream of the day I can reveal myself to you, but some preparations are still unfinished. What sort of cars would you like in your section of our garage? Where shall we travel in our first few months of wedded bliss? What female skills give you the most pleasure?
Please answer, darling, so I can prepare. Until that day, just thank you for being you.
That just sounds creepy
Dear Shane,
I hope you liked the flowers. I am a bit shy to reveal myself, as I am a bit, well, let me just come out with it and tell you that I'm a bit *hehe* fluffy right now. I am carrying the spawn of Satan and will be delivering in two months time. Do you think you could see past my condition and love me for who I am? I just think you're a really nice guy ... maybe even nice enough to let me scream a little while giving birth? Or let me go to Mass? Is that too much for a girl to ask? I'm so confused. My Dad says it isn't, but my Scientology overlord, erm, FRIEND says it is.
So please accept my gift if you will. All I want is to have a soulmate to brush my long brown hair and tell me all about foreign music. Oh, and please don't worry about the baby. It won't be around much after I pop in April.
LUV YA,
KH kissie kissie!
It seems like I've become sufficiently addicted to your column to wonder where the hell this week's is. Please post it at your earliest convenience; kthxbye.
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