Thursday, May 05, 2005

Worshipping a False Idol?

Okay, okay... I didn't want to get into it, but it seems like the whole frikkin' world won't shut up about it. Let's talk for a second about this American Idol business.

First off, right outta the gate I've gotta give it up for my boy, Scott Savol, and say how bad it sucks that he got voted off last night. Say what you want about him but the kid can sing. I've voted almost every week since the show started, and my vote's always gone to Scott for a variety of reasons:

(1) Like I said, the kid can sing. He might not have one of those voices that can knock you on your butt, but we're not ALL looking for singers who can belt tracks out of the park. I don't listen to music to hear some girlie hit a note so high that glass shatters. Frankly, that's just not my idea of a good time. Some people like the singers who do all that "shoo-be-de-di-wop-wop" stuff with their voice to show off their range or whatever. Not me. To me, it just sounds like somebody's singing a scale.

(2) Scott's got the most marketable voice remaining in the competition. He's got a durable R&B voice that could easily make dents in the Top 40 charts. The same can't be said for the rest of the field. Carrie's got a good country voice, Bo's got a good rock voice, but go take a look at the Billboard Top 40 charts right now. Country and rock music just aren't havin' it. Billboard's about hip-hop, and Scott's the only one that can rock that style.

(3) MOST importantly, who WOULDN'T want a chubby, ugly kid with the personality of a wet noodle to win the contest?! Can you IMAGINE the horrors that the American Idol marketing dept. would have to deal with to make this kid sell records? The comedy factor ALONE should have caused you to vote for him.

Sadly, he's gone now. But there's WAAAAAAAY more important stuff to focus on.

Like this Corey Clark/Paula Abdul nonsense. The whole world -- well, at least my whole office today -- is abuzz with people debating whether or not the two of them got it on like bunnies.

Well, on behalf of the portion of the world WITH brains, WHO CARES.

So let's assume that it actually happened. Get past the fact that Corey Clark got kicked off the show for lying. Get past the fact that he's found one HECK of a gimmick to try and sell his new record. Get past the fact that he's a greasy-faced, bad complexioned thug with a limited vocal range.

Okay? Let's assume now that he and Paula did the nasty. Would someone PLEASE explain to me how this gives Clark a leg up in the competition?

They're saying on the news that "Paula Abdul was coaching Corey Clark and giving him career advice." No offense, but getting career advice from Paula Abdul is like getting hairstyle advice from Donald Trump. Paula Abdul's career lasted approximately as long as this sentence. ONE big album with 3 or so big songs. A second album that underwhelmed but did okay. A third album that may or may not have come out (who's to say? Know anybody who bought it?)

Point is, Paula Abdul is the DEFINITION of flash-in-the-pan. What advice could she give? "Always have something to fall back on"? "Never ever EVER date Emilio Estevez"??

I don't get the fuss. At worst, she picked him out a couple decent looking shirts and gave him song suggestions. The most she could have done to give him an advantage when it came to voting would have been to say, "You're a fantastic performer." BUT SHE SAYS THAT TO EVERY CONTESTANT, so who on Earth cares?

The only thing about this whole brouhaha that's made me mad is the fact that in order to write this, I had to confess here in a public forum that I watch the stupid show every week. THAT's the worst scandal I can think of.

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